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Woman Lists All The Hilarious Things Her Sleep-Talking Mother Says And She Sounds Mental

Alexa from Jacksonville, Florida emailed this to us: old-woman-talks-in-sleepI thought you guys would find this funny. My 82-year-old mom and I live in a one-bedroom apartment and share a bunk bed. She’s on the bottom bunk. I’m on the top — so I hear a lot of the crazy ass stuff she says in her sleep. She usually yells it! Here are some lines from last month!

“I poisoned your father in 1879!”

“I need four more boobs to feeds the Africans with.”

“I gotta go to Walmart and buy some paper to burn in the squirrel.”

“Maybe I should replace the oil in my car with human blood. It’d probably stop the aliens from taking the topsoil.”

“We need to get you some braces, Steve.”

“They should remove the letter V from the alphabet. Put it into my stereo. George Washington.”

“TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And.”

“Mimi kwa kweli napenda alikuwa bora katika kufanya muffins.”

“Give me the items.”

“You can snort Tylenol?”

“Please take the picture of my stomach off your wall, Dr. Meechum.”

“I should have never purchased the map to hell. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who.”

“I need another hole.”

“It’s gonna eight nine ten. Spaghetti. Susan. Huh?”

“My trust is not for sale!”

“Yes, cowboy. Eat the waves.”

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